How to Play the Dating Game

By Carolyn Bushong, Psychotherapist

My single female clients come into my office for dating coaching with disastrous relationship stories.  I hope this helps.

Quiz: Does Your Dating Style Leave Something to be Desired?

1. Is your relationship pattern one of finding men who are unavailable – either emotionally or time-wise?
2. Do you give too much to the men you date, i.e. too accommodating to his schedule?
3. When you meet a man you like, do you rush the relationship or allow him to rush it, i.e. calling, texting?
4. Do you put on blinders or make excuses for him when he does something wrong, i.e. shows up late, cancels dates, is disrespectful, etc.?
5. Are the men you meet often commitmentphobes?
6. Once you’re dating a man, does he seem to take you for granted?
7. Do you throw yourself into him and spend less time with friends and interests?
8. Once you are dating him regularly, do you start fantasizing about your future together, thinking he’s the one?

If you answered yes to Question #1: Why We Want Unavailable Men: 

Do you usually want the men you can’t have and disregard the men who are overly nice to you? Groucho Marx once said, “I’d never belong to any club that would have me as a member.”

If you answered yes to Question #2: Why Being too Nice and Rushing it Doesn’t Work:

When things come too easily, we don’t appreciate them. When a woman becomes too “nice,” accommodating, and available to a man, he loses respect for her.

If you Answered yes to Question #3: Why Rushing a Relationship Doesn’t Work:

It makes you look desperate and makes it appear that you had no life before him and not value you.

If you answered yes to Question #4: Why You Must Train Him at the Beginning:

When you don’t call a man out on his bad behavior early on, his behavior will often escalate and create an imbalance in the relationship.

If you answered yes to Question #5: Why You Probably Scare Him Away:

If you postpone handling certain areas of your life like housing, job, or want him to be with you constantly instead of his friends, he will feel pressured and afraid he can’t provide all that for you.

If you answered yes to Question #6: Why You Must Keep Him on His Toes:

He’ll take you for granted if you don’t remain a challenge. Never tell him, “I’ll never leave you.”

If you answered yes to Question #7: Why You Shouldn’t Give Up Your Life:

He’s attracted to you with all you have going on. If you start changing that and getting rid of friends, activities, & interests to be with him, you’re not only losing yourself, but the “you” he fell in love with.

If you answered yes to Question #8: Why You Shouldn’t Look to the Future with Him:

You will overlook his faults, fantasize & fool yourself and be sorry later. Instead, confront the issues and see if he comes through for you.

For my other 3 relationship books, or request it from me by email at carolyn@carolynsays.com.