Inside this Newsletter:
Message from Carolyn:
Merry Christmas! I hope
everyone is enjoying the holiday.
Alan and I finally made it
down here to Tucson, but what an ordeal! We both missed
our last day of work (his final retirement day – Wed.,
Dec 19) because of the snowstorm (10 inches at the
mountain house). My clients that were supposed to come
to my temporary office in Cherry Creek had to do phone
therapy after all. We drove straight through (15 hours)
on Friday, Dec 21 (the day the world was supposed to
end). We took my 6 cats (in individual carriers), but
had trouble catching one of the feral cats before we
left – even though we gave him valium. It was quite an
experience, but worth it. All cats are adjusting just
fine and we’re loving it.
It was 6 below zero when we
drove through Alamosa, Co that morning, and 74 degrees
yesterday, our first day back in Tucson. It’s only 64
degrees here today, but I’m sitting in the sun by the
pool in shorts and a spaghetti strap top. My
bougainvillea’s are looking fabulous (see picture of
front of the house) and the green grass and red
geraniums in back (see picture) seem amazing for the end
We put lights on the short
palm tree by the two tall ones (see picture), and we
have real mistletoe hanging from a tree in the front –
that’s as much Christmas decoration as we’re going to
have this year. My mom is at my sister’s and they were
all disappointed that we didn’t make it there, but we
promised to visit them in the Spring (before we come
back to Denver). We are looking forward to a quiet
Christmas Day here in our Tucson home. Hope you all have
a very very Merry Christmas!!
Bring a Chance to Change Family Relationships
year at this time, many of my clients struggle with their family
relationships – their controlling dads, their avoiding moms (or vice
versa), their bullying sisters and disappointing brothers (again
sometimes vice versa), and then there are crazy aunts and drunk
uncles. At this time of the year, people often realize how much
their families have affected their lives, and how that needs to
One of my female dating coaching clients has been afraid to date
because she knew she would eventually have to expose her guy to her
crazy mom. She thought that this would be a bad reflection on her,
not realizing that most of us have a family member that embarrasses
us. This Christmas she has a new guy in her life and they’re finally
meeting each other’s parents. She’s no longer worried now that she’s
finally gotten the issues with her mom under control.
A male client of mine hopes to confront his dad on his controlling
ways this Christmas because he now realizes why he finds it so
difficult to get close to the women he dates – it’s been easier to
keep a distance that worry about being controlled by them.
Another female client was complaining to me about her dad’s call
saying he might not come to visit her at Christmas after all. She
said he withdraws and feels sorry for himself when he’s upset and
never even tells her what he’s upset about. As she told me that, she
realized that she does exactly the same thing in all of her
relationships – with her husband, at work, and with her friends.
With her dad treating her that way, she now sees how this bad
behavior affects those she loves. She plans to have some heavy
discussions with her dad this year regarding the behaviors he taught
her, and she vows not to continue to be like him anymore.
Several of my clients said they were dreading Christmas Day with
their families because it’s so boring, etc. I told them to try and
structure it the way they want it to be. I did this myself several
years ago and was able to stop dreading the holidays. If you want to
watch the game, say so ahead of time. (One client’s stepdad turned
the game off while she was watching it.) If football bores you, tell
your family (ahead of time) that you’re leaving to visit friends
when the game comes on, or encourage several family members to join
you for a walk during the game. We often forget to ask for what we
want or to set boundaries around the day so that it can be more
enjoyable. Just because it’s a holiday doesn’t mean you can’t ask
for some changes so that you can maybe even actually look forward to
This year take a look at your family dynamics. Note whether or not
you see yourself in some of their bad behavior. Think about how
certain behaviors of theirs have affected your own relationships.
Use this time as an opportunity to make changes in your life that
will improve all of your relationships, as well as make your
holidays better in the future!
Return to top >>>
for the Over-50
are more over-50 online daters than ever these days. You might think
that it would be difficult to find someone online when you’re older,
but actually there are more options than ever for this age group.
There are still tricks of the trade that you need to follow when
trying to meet someone online. People over a certain age tend to
talk about their grandchildren, their past lives, or what it’s like
to be retiring or retired. That may be what is going on in your life
right now, bit it’s not sexy. Instead, remember to focus on your
future and sell yourself.
In setting up your profile, try these 5 tips:
Emphasize your active lifestyle.
Don’t even mention the word retirement because it puts you
in a certain category and indirectly says the opposite of an
active lifestyle. Instead try, “Since I left my law practice a
few years ago, I've been volunteering for an animal shelter.”
Or, “I teach English as a second language.” Bring your past
experience into your profile—what is your expertise? The key is
to focus more on what you are doing today than delving into the
Answer the question: What makes
you an exciting person? For example, “I’ve traveled to
Paris, but I still hope to see Asia someday.” Or, I’m back in
school taking classes in design, something I've always been
interested in, but never had the time for before.” Demonstrate
an appreciation for learning and fun to show that you’re open
minded and not set in your ways.
Present yourself as sexy without
using sexual terms. Go ahead and admit that you read 50
Shades of Grey. That is sexy. Just don’t talk about your
favorite positions or use explicit language. It’s perfectly fine
to express what makes you feel sexy. Say, “Here’s a favorite
picture of me salsa dancing,” as opposed to “I love to shake my
body when I dance.” Select photos where you feel and look your
best (but do omit revealing pictures of cleavage and hairy
chests or you will be inviting the wrong type of person!)
Sound financially responsible
without offering specifics. Sell yourself, but don’t
oversell, and certainly, never brag or again you will be
inviting the wrong type of person. If you are not of economic
means, it’s probably good to avoid the topic altogether. Somehow
you want to get across that you’re independent and can take care
of yourself, yet not looking to support someone else.
Focus on all that is positive in
your life. Have you read a terrific book within the last
year? Mastered a new skill, like fly fishing or using a potter’s
wheel? Seen a memorable film? Frame your written profile with
pleasant experiences, staying away from negative discussions
about your knee surgery, cataracts, or any other health
ailments. Women are more guilty of being too upfront about all
the things wrong with them, and this can be a real turn-off.
Remember that online dating is all about
sales. Don’t oversell or people you meet will be disappointed. But
make sure potential dates know what is best about you. And it’s
never too late to meet Mr. or Mrs. Right!
Return to top >>>
Carolyn Bushong, L.P.C, is an expert on
relationships and a licensed therapist. She is known for being one
of the top relationship therapists in the country and the author of
3 relationship books. She has appeared on Oprah, the View, and many
other TV shows, and she has been giving relationship advice on
Denver radio for more than15 years. She has been helping people like
you improve your life and relationships for more than 30 years.
Cosmo, US Weekly and other magazines quote her expert relationship
advice, and McCall’s named her one of the “Top 6 Passion Doctors” in
the country. Carolyn Bushong always has fresh, up-to-date, hot
information on topics that will inspire you and change your life and
improve your relationships. She has clients all over the country,
some who come into her office and others who receive Carolyn's
expert advice through phone counseling. Carolyn Bushong is an
excellent psychotherapist, but she also lives what she teaches, as
she is in a happy, healthy relationship with Alan, her mate of 25
FOLLOW ME ON
as I post all of my articles there.
How to get Carolyn Bushong's Relationship Advice:
Individual Counseling: l hour or ˝hr sessions in office
or phone, Health Insurance covers a portion. Couples Counseling:
1 ˝ hr. sessions, Health Ins. covers a portion.
Purchase Carolyn Bushong's books: for sale in her office,
website or B&N.com.
Subscribe to free email newsletter:
Phone Counseling is a great way to do therapy, especially for
the really busy person who's constantly on the go, or the person who
is shy or hesitant to talk about their problem, or when the weather
is bad and you don't want to drive to a therapist's office. It just
makes sense in this day and age to be able to call and discuss a
problem and get advice on a situation with having to leave work and
drive to my office.
Email Advice: Visit
Carolyn's website for more information.
You are receiving this
message because you signed up to receive The
Relationship Newsletter, are a client, or purchased
something from Carolyn Bushong. If you'd like to be
removed, click the opt-out link below.
Copyright 2012 Carolyn Bushong. All rights reserved.
Note: Please add Carolyn@CarolynSays.com to your
address book so you have no trouble receiving future
Tell a Friend: Please forward this message to
your colleagues, clients and friends.
Carolyn Bushong, L.P.C.
P.O. Box 1094
Conifer, CO 80433
Carolyn Bushong at