February 14, 2012
Inside this Newsletter:
Message from Carolyn:
Happy Valentine’s Day!
Valentine issue is filled with ideas about what to do on
Valentine’s Day, gifts for men and women, what not to
do, and how to tell him what you want. Too many of us
think our guys should read our mind. If you don’t want
to tell him what you want, then at least hand him this
newsletter so he can get some ideas.
Alan and I are waiting to celebrate Valentine’s Day.
We’re going to celebrate when we get back to our house
in Tucson and can enjoy a long, relaxing weekend.
Although I don’t watch The Real Housewives of Orange
County, I find it interesting that Star Magazine reports
that Alexis Bellino and her husband Jim have created
rules to try and make sure their marriage works this
time (both have been married before). Included in their
rules are: Never spend more than 2 nights apart, treat
each other with respect at all times, no name-calling
when arguing, discuss every disagreement, have 20-minute
meetings each night, make most decisions jointly, have
date night at least once a week, and go to therapy
regularly. I have to say that these rules sound right on
track for maintaining a healthy relationship. Alan and I
follow all of them except the therapy part.
If you’re interested in therapy, I still have some of my
deals going. See below.
Hope everyone has a very Happy Valentine’s Day!!
on Valentine’s Day
My fiancé and I got engaged on December 3rd, 2010. Until we get
married, we are saving as much money as we can so we decided not to
do gifts for Valentine’s Day last year. Instead, I cooked him a nice
salmon dinner and he wrote me a beautiful love letter. The letter
brought me to tears as he wrote about how he loves me and can’t wait
to marry me.
Dinner was wonderful; it was like being in a fancy restaurant
complete with wine and candlelight. The rest of the night we
listened to music, drank our favorite wine and read funny poems and
anecdotes to each other from this random book I own called,
The Little Book of Love. It sounds cheesy but we had so much
fun. Our night was free of the clichés and commercialism that I
dislike about the holiday. I encourage everyone to lose the gifts
this year and see how much fun you can have without all of the
hoopla. It was our best Valentine’s Day yet! We’re getting married
in May and plan to repeat last year’s Valentine celebration again
this year – and maybe every year!
Megan, Thornton, CO
How to Rekindle the Magic on Valentine’s Day
Get away from it all – to a hotel or
Bed and Breakfast. Tell him or her you’re just going to dinner
but have overnight bags packed and surprise him or her.
Arrange for side-by-side massages at
your home or in a hotel room.
Enjoy a special dinner, with a
bottle of wine, in front of the fire … naked.
Two words: Fantasy Night! Act out
each other’s secret sexual fantasies.
Meet in a bar as “strangers.” Get to
know each other all over again!
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DON’T send him/her flowers or
a mushy card if you’ve only been out a few times.
DON’T get your mate sexy
underwear unless he/she is the sexually aggressive one in your
NEVER tell your Valentine
what a “great deal” you got, or how much you spent, on the
flowers, gift, etc.
DON’T buy flowers at the
supermarket checkout line – she knows the difference!!
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Tell Him What
You Want for Valentine’s Day
always fantasizes that Bob will remember Valentine’s Day with
something really special, like a gold necklace or diamond earrings.
That’s what her friend Suzie always gets from George.
But year after year Bob disappoints her. He often forgets until the
last minute and then grabs a small box of chocolates or some grocery
store flowers on his way home from work. Every year Jan feels
disappointed and sorry for herself – and thinks Bob doesn’t love
We often build up great expectations that make sure we get
disappointed. But it doesn’t have to work that way. There’s nothing
wrong with wanting the moon, as long as women do two things: realize
you might have to accept less, and make sure your desires are known.
But Jan thinks that if Bob loves her, he should remember on his own
and do something really special. And that would be great, but many
men just don’t think of it. Honestly, it doesn’t really make it
“less” if you let him know what you want. It just helps him succeed
in pleasing you.
Whether Bob loves Jan has nothing to do with his Valentine’s Day
shortcomings. When he says he was too busy and forgot, it’s probably
true. Although Jan might be at the top of his list, celebrating
Valentine’s Day is near the bottom. It’s just not important to him.
But it certainly is to Jan. That makes it her responsibility to let
Bob know how important this special day is.
We set ourselves up for disappointment when we keep others in the
dark about our expectations. If you want Valentine’s Day to be
special, you can’t expect your partner to read your mind (even
though you think he should know). Jan needs to tell Bob what she
wants, and so do you. Suggest possibilities, i.e. “I’d like just the
two of us to have a romantic evening alone with dinner and dancing.
Will you set that up?”
If you want an expensive gift, hint by saying you need diamond ear
rings to go with a certain outfit, or a necklace to wear to a
special event. But be direct enough that he knows you would like it
for Valentine’s Day. Maybe you’d be happy with flowers (if they’re
not grocery story flowers), but want to be sure he doesn’t forget.
Just say, “You haven’t forgotten that this Sunday is Valentine’s
Day, have you? I’ll be disappointed if you don’t do something
romantic. Please don’t let me down.”
Valentine’s Day can be a day of hearts and flowers instead of
disappointment if you’ll just speak your mind and let your honey
know what you want.
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Her … and Him
Things a Woman Would Love
(restage) your first date with her.
Draw her a
bubble bath, complete with candles, a glass of wine, and you to
scrub her back.
without having sex.
Valentine “I.O.U.’s” for handy things you’ll do around the
house, along with a few very personal ones.
Give her a
list of reasons why you love her, i.e. How do I love thee? Let
me count the ways….
5 Things a
Man Would Love
“glamour” photo of you.
love notes all over the house – and sneak one into his briefcase
bedroom into a love nest with candles, mirrors, music, and of
course, sexy lingerie.
dinner at a restaurant, take him to a romantic hotel room and
order room service, again in your sexy lingerie.
Be your own Valentine. Enjoy a long,
hot bath with candles, a glass of wine, and your favorite
Treat yourself to a day at the spa –
massage, facial, mani and pedi.
Host a “Girls Only” party, let down
your hair, and share those horror stories of Valentine’s Day
past. Give out gifts for the saddest story.
Gather the girls and go to a male
Nurture yourself with special foods,
videos, books, flowers in a personal party for one.
if you’re a guy? Well, you probably don’t care about Valentine’s Day
anyway, do you? Just grab some buddies and go out drinking and see
if you can meet a new Valentine!
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Carolyn Bushong, L.P.C, is an expert on
relationships and a licensed therapist. She is known for being one
of the top relationship therapists in the country and the author of
3 relationship books. She has appeared on Oprah, the View, and many
other TV shows, and she has been giving relationship advice on
Denver radio for more than15 years. She has been helping people like
you improve your life and relationships for more than 30 years.
Cosmo, US Weekly and other magazines quote her expert relationship
advice, and McCall’s named her one of the “Top 6 Passion Doctors” in
the country. Carolyn Bushong always has fresh, up-to-date, hot
information on topics that will inspire you and change your life and
improve your relationships. She has clients all over the country,
some who come into her office and others who receive Carolyn's
expert advice through phone counseling. Carolyn Bushong is an
excellent psychotherapist, but she also lives what she teaches, as
she is in a happy, healthy relationship with Alan, her mate of 24
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