June 11, 2010

Inside this Newsletter:


June has been interesting so far. Last Friday night, Alan walked onto the front deck of our mountain house and came within a few feet of a big black bearís ass. It was sitting on the railing, batting at the bird feeder. Alan backed up into the house and the bear never even turned around. Then the next night, we both watched as the bear came back onto the back deck, walked around the house, then back up the stairs on the front deck. He put his paws on the railing, looked at where the bird feeder had been (we had taken it down of course), then looked through the picture window directly at us, and then left. Needless to say, we had brunch outside the next day with a revolver on the table. I called the wildlife division and asked what I should do if I encounter the bear while Iím gardening, and they said, ďSing,Ē (and of course Iím a singer) so that the bear will avoid me. Alan said that it always works on him!

Alan and I went back to my sisterís in Charlotte in May to see my family. I visited with my 88-year-old dad in the nursing home, and he still knew me even though he has dementia. My mother flew down there and was amazing. She is 84 and reminds me of Betty White. People even ask her if sheís Betty. Though not as funny, sheís short and sort of looks a little like her, and is full of energy (she goes dancing every Friday night with her younger boyfriend). We stayed with my nephew Brett and his girlfriend at his gorgeous lake house. Alan and I had trouble keeping up with them as they took us to the hottest private dance club in Charlotte (Butter). Michael Jordan was even there, and one of his body guards grabbed my arm, thinking I was trying to get to Michael. I obviously had a few words for him. All in all, we had a wonderful time and it was great to see everyone!


She Wants Couple Time/He Loves a Crowd!

OK Magazine Website - July 2010 First For Women MagazineCarolyn Saves Another Marriage!!!  Carolyn is quoted in the next issue of First Magazine for Women

First For Women
July 5, 2010
Marriage SOS - She wants couple time, he loves a crowd

Carolyn was quoted as saying:
"With Yvonne and Rob, the challenges were clear," says Carolyn Bushong, "Rob needed to recognize his wife's desire for boundaries, while Yvonne needed to honor her husband's cultural mores"

Go here to read the entire article now.

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Info from Carolynís Fox 31 TV show on Martino TV Wed., May 19 and on Kelly & Riderís radio show on KYGO Thurs., May 20

Why do people become jealous?

  1. they become threatened, fear losing something or someone

  2. their mate is very secretive and/or has cheated before

  3. they project onto their mate their own bad behavior

  4. theyíve had mates cheat on them in the past

  5. they are insecure and feel they are not good enough

  6. they think that love means ownership

How to Stop Being Jealous

  1. Ask questions to allay your fears. (Ask about situations that still seem suspect to you.) Then let it go.

  2. Realize how damaging jealousy is to your relationship. (The more jealous you act, the more likely your mate is to cheat; if accused, why not do it.)

  3. Own your part of it. (Iím insecure, my ex cheated, Iíve cheated.)

  4. Build your own confidence. (Remind yourself of your positive traits and why this person is with you.)

  5. Change the way you think. (Become flattered that others want what you have. Also get a prideful, attitude like ďIf he really wants someone else, I donít want him anyway!)

  6. Make deals. (Ask him or her to do things to reassure you like ďIf youíll call me once when you get there, I promise not to call you the rest of the evening.)

How to Handle a Jealous Mate

  1. Reassure him that you love him and that he has no reason to worry.

  2. Tell him how you feel about his jealousy and let him know that it is destroying your relationship.

  3. Make it clear that you will not restrict your activities because of his insecurities.

  4. Give him an ultimatum: If you do not stop this jealous behavior now, you will have to get some counseling, and if you wonít do that, I will leave the relationship.

Go here to watch the video now!

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Thanks Carolyn!

Hello Carolyn,

I just received your voice mail from today!! I just wanted to get back to you to tell you that everything is going really good. However I do have some hard times still but nothing I can't handle thanks to you!!! Thank you so much for everything you have said to me to wake my ass up!! The only real issue I have is that I feel sad when I have to see my ex because he is so sad that our relationship is over still. I had to tell him that whatís done is done and there is nothing that is going to fix it. Of course I care for him but not the same way I cared for him when we were married. I use to get guilty when I would see him or anyone sad, but I know that itís something they need to get through and not to involve myself, because I can not control others feelings (only my own). Iím definitely working through my feelings and not letting them lead me in the wrong direction such as guilt.

Iím really starting to find my own identity and starting to love who I am as a person. My daughters are also doing great too. I just started to read your book, ďThe 7 Dumbest Relationship Mistakes Smart People MakeĒ. Iíve also started to date again too! I started dating a new guy who is really nice. Iím not trying to rush things with him though. I want us get to know each other first, before I even think about a relationship.

I can't thank you enough,

~ S.A., Aurora

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Getting Him to Commit (summary)

For the rest of this article (Carolyn is quoted in), go to Cosmo, June issue, pp 137-139.  Now on news stands.

  1. Cosmopolitan - June 2010 - Love & Lust, How to Make a Man CommitShow him your sweet side OR that you have his back. (Donít mother or chase him, but do a few sweet things, download a song, get him a 6-pack.)

  2. Show him youíre always game OR show him youíre fun! (Donít start the evening by telling him your problems or nagging him about something he didnít do.)

  3. Work your look OR look hot for him. (Not that you canít ever wear your sweats, but he also needs to see you all dressed up.)

  4. Keep him engrossed OR talk about interesting things. (Not your girlfriendís problems or what youíre wearing to the party this weekend.)

  5. Leave something to the imagination OR keep your primping in privacy. (Too much information about your bodily functions or your fat tummy turns him off.)

  6. Let the small stuff slide OR donít get on his case about every small issue. (He will feel that youíre going to try to change him.)

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About Carolyn

Carolyn Bushong, L.P.C, is an expert on relationships and a licensed therapist. She is known for being one of the top relationship therapists in the country and the author of 3 relationship books. She has appeared on Oprah, the View, and many other TV shows, and she has been giving relationship advice on Denver radio for 10 years. She has been helping people like you improve your life and relationships for more than 25 years. Cosmo, US Weekly and other magazines quote her expert relationship advice, and McCallís named her one of the ďTop 6 Passion DoctorsĒ in the country. Carolyn Bushong always has fresh, up-to-date, hot information on topics that will inspire you and change your life and improve your relationships. She has clients all over the country, some who come into her office and others who receive Carolyn's expert advice through phone counseling. Carolyn Bushong is an excellent psychotherapist, but she also lives what she teaches, as she is in a happy, healthy relationship with Alan, her mate of 21 years.

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How to get Carolyn Bushong's Relationship Advice:

Individual Counseling: l hour or Ĺhr sessions in office or phone, Health Insurance covers a portion. Couples Counseling: 1 Ĺ hr. sessions, Health Ins. covers a portion.
Group Counseling: Tuesday night group meets 5:30 - 7:30 pm, 8 members, less expensive.
Purchase Carolyn Bushong's books: for sale in her office,
on her website or B&N.com.
Subscribe to free email newsletter:

Phone Counseling is a great way to do therapy, especially for the really busy person who's constantly on the go, or the person who is shy or hesitant to talk about their problem, or when the weather is bad and you don't want to drive to a therapist's office. It just makes sense in this day and age to be able to call and discuss a problem and get advice on a situation with having to leave work and drive to my office.

Email Advice: Visit Carolyn's website for more information.


For free articles on handling family issues, guilt, money problems, dating, how to stop fighting dirty, and 10 reasons youíre not married yet, go to my website at www.carolynsays.com. And if you havenít received my free 52 relationship tips, go in a sign up all over again and youíll get them. For free articles on orgasms, why men leave, being single, Michael Jackson, when he doesnít want sex, and jealousy, go to www.Examiner.com and type in my name, then click on my name and it will bring up my articles.

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