January 1, 2009

Inside this Newsletter:

Resolutions to Make 2009 the Best Ever
By Carolyn Bushong

  1. Take more risks. Step outside your comfort zone and challenge yourself, i.e. learn something new, change jobs, move, skydive, go to Europe alone. Do something you’ve always wanted to do but didn’t have the nerve.

  2. Promise to set boundaries with people who drain your time and energy – family, friends, people you may feel sorry for. Relationships need to be give and take. When they aren’t, they drain you and take away time you need for your own happiness and your true friends.

  3. Communicate and speak your mind more often. Whether it’s the waiter who was rude to you, issues you have with your mate or someone you’re dating, or something you need to get off your chest with a friend, stop holding back.

  4. Revisit your priorities. What is most important to you in your life right now – work, family, fun, home, health, husband/wife/lover, education, children, etc.? Whatever it is, be sure that your actions show that and that you’re living your life accordingly.

  5. Make joint resolutions with people you care about, i.e. your mate, children, family or friends, such as, “Let’s promise that we’ll go out more this year,” OR “Let’s promise to always try to resolve our fights by the end of each weekend.”

  6. Nurture yourself more. Promise to make yourself happier by self-nurturing, i.e. massages, buying yourself flowers, make your bedroom more cozy, pick up a great book, a CD, a special coffee, your favorite wine, a special wine glass, or sexy lingerie.

  7. Do more things you enjoy this year, i. e. sing, dance, take a cooking class, ski more days, have more parties, become a Big Sister/Brother, read more romance novels.


Relationship Resolutions for Couples

Carolyn Bushong’s
Relationship Resolutions For Couples

  1. Make a Relationship Resolution to resolve all issues that you repeatedly fight about. Unresolved issues create resentment and resentment erodes a relationship over time. Instead of trying to prove how right you are (even if you are), focus on a solution that respects both opinions.

  2. Make a Relationship Resolution to have at least one date night a week. Don’t talk about work or kids on date night, only discuss the two of you. Pretend you’re actually dating instead of married. Share interesting stories and try to seduce your mate with romance and conversation.

  3. Make a Relationship Resolution to promise to tell your mate what you want. Often our friends, co-workers or family know more about what we want from our mate than he or she knows. Your mate can’t give you what you want unless they know what it is. What are your goals in life, what do you hope for in the relationship, what do you want? Speak up!

  4. Make a Relationship Resolution to equalize the relationship. Out-of-balance relationships, where one person has most of the control and the other allows it, is the major cause of divorce (although it’s never listed as that). If you’re the controlling partner, become vulnerable and share your fears and insecurities with your mate and hand off some of the power. If you’re in the powerless position, stand up to your mate and let him or her know that you want a healthy relationship and that changes are necessary.

  5. Make a Relationship Resolution to spend more quality time together alone. That means no relatives, friends, or even children are invited. The only goal is to strengthen the “we” bond, which will strengthen the relationship and improve your personal happiness, and happiness as a couple. Set a consequence (punishment) for yourselves if either of you don’t keep the commitment.

  6. Make a Relationship Resolution to get marriage counseling or personal therapy if either of you are not happy with the relationship or yourselves. If one of you is shut down or you’re less intimate or romantic than you once were or wish you were, get help and take care of it now before you allow it to get worse.

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Relationship Resolutions for Singles

Carolyn Bushong’s
Relationship Resolutions For Singles

I Promise:

  1. To focus more on enjoying and loving my life as it is, i.e. becoming “Single, Secure, & Satisfied,” (this was an article I wrote for New Woman Magazine years ago and followed myself that is available for free upon request), rather than continually searching for the right mate.

  2. To step outside my comfort zone socially so that I stop meeting the same type of men/women and broaden my horizons.

  3. To review my patterns in choosing potential mates, and to figure out why I keep repeating that pattern (i.e. keep dating controllers, losers, commitmentphobics, or emotionally unavailable people).

  4. To speak up in all of my relationships and let people know what I want from them and how I expect to be treated.

  5. To hold people accountable for their bad behavior, so they will either change it or I will know to let them go.

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About Carolyn

Carolyn Bushong, L.P.C, is an expert on relationships and a licensed therapist. She is known for being one of the top relationship therapists in the country and the author of 3 relationship books. She has appeared on Oprah, the View, and many other TV shows, and she has been giving relationship advice on Denver radio for 10 years. She has been helping people like you improve your life and relationships for more than 25 years. Cosmo, US Weekly and other magazines quote her expert relationship advice, and she writes articles for on-line article banks. Carolyn Bushong always has fresh, up-to-date, hot information on topics that will inspire you and change your life and improve your relationships. She has clients all over the country, some who come into her office and others who receive Carolyn's expert advice through phone counseling. Carolyn Bushong is an excellent psychotherapist, but she also lives what she teaches, as she is in a happy, healthy relationship with Alan, her mate of 21 years.

Email me your Topics & Ideas for the newsletter at Carolyn@carolynsays.com

How to get Carolyn Bushong's Relationship Advice:
Individual Counseling:
l hour or ½hr sessions in office or phone, Health Insurance covers a portion. Couples Counseling: 1 ½ hr. sessions, Health Ins. covers a portion.
Group Counseling: Tuesday night group meets 5:30 - 7:30 pm, 8 members, less expensive.
Purchase Carolyn Bushong's books: for sale in her office, on her website or B&N.com.
Subscribe to free email newsletter: www.carolynsays.com

Phone Counseling is a great way to do therapy, especially for the really busy person who's constantly on the go, or the person who is shy or hesitant to talk about their problem, or when the weather is bad and you don't want to drive to a therapist's office. It just makes sense in this day and age to be able to call and discuss a problem and get advice on a situation with having to leave work and drive to my office.

Email Advice: Visit Carolyn's website for more information.

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