Carolyn's Expert Magazine Quotes

From Cosmos All About Men Issue, Summer 2000 pp.105-107

"You Can't Resist Being His Life Coach" - If you take on the role of a guy's teacher or coach, eventually he'll want to graduate and move on. So how do you stop yourself from treating a flawed paramour like a pet project? Be supportive, but set a deadline for him to change," says Carolyn Bushong. "If he's living with you, for example, and you're supporting him, you may need to tell him that if he hasn't found a job by the first of the month, he'll have to find a new place to live." Putting your foot down may be hard, but it's the only way you can ensure he has the capability or desire, to carry his own weight."

"You Settle for Great Sex....and That's It" - If you're really content sexually, you may be deterred from finding a man with whom you can have a full-on relationship," warns Bushong. Or worse, you might beleive that the phenomenal physical chemistry you have will evolve into a true love connection.

"You Forget Everything Else" - When you let a man consume you, you are asking for trouble because you become someone other than who he was attracted to," says Bushong. "You'd think a guy would be flattered by being your be-all and end-all, but the truth is, that kind of pressure freaks men out," says Bushong. "They don't wnat to shoulder the sole responsibility for your happiness." There's nothing wrong with giving your guy's hobbies a go--as long as he reciprocates. But remember, "If you don't sacrifice yourself and your interests," says Bushong, "a guy will respect you and your time more."

"You Push For Closeness" - True intimacy takes time to develop. If you push for closeness too hard or too early in the relationship, your guy is bound to do a one-eighty and start pulling away, says Bushong. That reaction sets off a vicious cycle: You feel him distancing, so you try even harder to win him over, which--you guessed it--causes him to move back even further. So if he needs more space, how do you know if it's a natural part of the ebb-and-flow love cycle or a sign that he's about to bail? Ease off for a while, "If he's interested in keeping the relationship together, he'l pick up the pace," assures Bushong. If he doesn't, then nothing you could have done differently would have changed the outcome.